I'm going to write a book: The Dog Who Wasn't Choking

I am not a morning person. I do not regularly see clients. Not in the morning. Not without appointments.

Mr. Still-Has-All-His-Fingers-But-Not-For-Lack-of-Trying brings in his horrid lovely dog.  We'll call her Nancy. Mr is adamant that Nancy has been choking "all night" since 5pm the night before. Through his panic over Nancy's immediate risk of choking death, he never felt the need to call the clinic's emergency number. Instead, he waited 16 hours before bringing her to the clinic. Without bothering to call. Once in the exam room, he informed me that when he first noticed she was choking he stuck his finger down her throat and "definitely felt something down there." And "I must have touched it because she tried to bite me." She must be choking.

I did a quick exam on Nancy, who appeared to have a slight, intermittent cough. I didn't get my finger very close to her mouth, much less "down her throat" before she tried to bite me as well. She must be choking.

I tried explaining that if Nancy really was choking, she would gasp for breath, possibly turn blue and eventually stop breathing. No, she has been choking.

I tried explaining that if Nancy had been choking since 5pm the night before she would most likely be dead. Well, what did he feel down in there then, if not whatever is was on which she had been choking?

I tried explaining the anatomy of the larynx and the fact that a person sticking his finger down a dog's throat might encounter various cartilage projections designed to keep things other than air out of the lungs. Well, why did she try to bite him, then, if he hadn't touched the thing that was choking her?

If you stuck your finger down my throat, I'd probably bite you too.

I tried explaining to Mr that Nancy, having been very recently adopted from the animal shelter, was most likely suffering from the dog equivalent of a common cold: kennel cough. Presented with a classic, text-book example of a common dog affliction, easily treated with antibiotics Mr remains adamant. No, she has been choking.

How can you argue with that?